Divorce is a process that may take months or even years to resolve. Divorces are very emotional for the parties and their children. Consider the answers to these questions before getting started with a divorce.
1. Are you Ready?
Make sure that your differences cannot be resolved by sitting down with a trusted counselor, clergy, or friend. Those in an abusive relationship need to prioritize their safety, and should first make a safety plan to exit the relationship. Spouses "in the dark" regarding the finances and assets of the marriage should take the time needed to gather information and knowledge on the facts, finances, and the law applicable to their case. Prior to starting the process, take the time you need to be as prepared as possible.
2. Which Mode of Dispute Resolution is Best for You?
Litigation can be expensive and the outcome uncertain. While some cases require litigation and a tough stance, there are other options. Some divorces can proceed as uncontested, because the parties have dealt with the issues prior and agree. The majority of contested cases settle after negotiation. Consider alternative dispute resolution (ADR), such as mediation, where the parties sit down with a neutral mediator and agree upon the terms of the divorce, or collaborative divorce, where the parties and their lawyers compose an out-of-court agreement, using experts as needed. ADR can prove less expensive and difficult. Don't jump in without thinking about the options.
3. Do you Have the Right Lawyer?
Most cases warrant using legal counsel from the beginning. Whether you are initiating a divorce or responding to one, you should seek an attorney you can work well with. Speak to family, friends, or clergy for referrals, look up the attorney's website or blog, and meet with an attorney to get a sense of their style and approach. Most divorce attorneys charge an hourly rate against a retainer, the up-front payment of fees, to be refreshed when more funds to pay for legal services are needed.
4. Do You Know About Your Finances?
An integral part of the divorce process is exchanging financial disclosure, information on income and the lifestyle the parties enjoyed during the marriage, marital and separate assets, and liabilities. In New York, the extensive Statement of Net Worth form is used. In New Jersey, it is the Case Information Statement. Gathering and reviewing proof of expenses, tax returns, account statements, and insurance policies can be time-consuming and very expensive. Parties who know very little about the shared and individual finances at issue are at a disadvantage. Make sure you have as much information on the finances before you start a divorce. Being as organized as possible will save time and money.
5. Do You Know How the Divorce Process Will Affect you Financially?
The divorce process can be lengthy. Think about how you plan to survive financially during the transition. Consider how you will pay your expenses, as well as attorney’s fees. Many lawyers accept credit cards. Consider the best mode of dispute resolution and the expense of litigating issues. The courts can award interim support pending the final divorce to the non-monied spouse, or the parent primarily responsible for the care of children, but this will involve the additional expense of filing a motion or responding to one, for both parties.
6. Can You Keep Your Sights on the Future?
Though emotions run very high during a divorce, it is critical that you keep your cool and your emotions in check during the process. Outbursts in front of your children, in court, or on social media can really damage your case. A focus on revenge, justice or sadness will serve to distract you and keep you from the important work the divorce will demand.
7. Do You Have Emotional Support?
Make sure that you and your children are ready for the changes ahead. Shore up your support system, including mental health professionals, coaches, friends, and family. The better you can deal with the emotional challenges and changes ahead, the better you can deal with the business side of of the divorce process; then, life after divorce. Better times are ahead!If you've been through the process, I invite you to share constructive tips on getting prepared or getting started. .